How it went down:
02.11 Morning – Devgon (starts late, stretches into late afternoon).
02.11 Evening – Mehendiraat (ends at 0500 the next morning, I accept defeat at 0330).
03.11 Morning – Recovery and rehabilitation.
03.11 Evening – The Wedding (starts post-midnight, ends in daylight the next day. I surrender again at 0400).
04.11 Morning – Ghar achun (mostly a blur, but with great food).
I have come down to Delhi from Vienna for the wedding of my 1st cousin. It is the first wedding on the mother’s side of my family – been planned for months, and talked about for a year. Some bumps on the way, but it is finally happening.
My trip lasts all of 4 days. People at work are amazed at the relationship between the distance covered and the length of my trip, as they are about what’s going to unfold. They have only heard of the Big Fat Indian Wedding; this is their case study. They have a lot of questions and they want to see graphic evidence. Evidence of food, festivities, events, clothes, people. I feel like I am representing an idea and an event, and have something to live up to. No pressure.
I arrive straight into the wedding. The whole family has shifted into a hotel, the venue for all the events. It is the wedding takeover, a destination wedding without an out-of-town destination. The hotel can scarcely handle other guests, we ourselves are about 80 people.
I have seen a few Kashmiri weddings, but none have probably been as traditional as this. There are some rituals which are there at a common Indian wedding, but some are truly typical and by 2018 standards, increasingly rare.
The 1st event, the Devgon, is a ritual routinely seen at Kashmiri weddings. I ask everyone about its significance, but nobody has a clue; we do it anyway. For the Mehendiraat, I see my mother going around with a plateful of henna, applying it to people’s hands, representing celebration, joy and a household in festive fervour. As my sister’s aunt, she has this ‘honour’. Every hand she puts henna on, the recipient rewards my mother with money and blessings.
Sufi singers have been called in from Jammu to sing traditional Kashmiri songs through the night. They come with a whole entourage – backup singers, percussionists, harmonists. A stage has been prepared for them, and carpets have been laid out for us patrons to sit down and enjoy their renditions over cups of traditional Kashmiri teas – the kehwa (a sweet tea with dry fruits) and noon chai (a pink-coloured, salty tea) and bread specially sourced from Jammu for the occasion. The singers are delightful – their beats make everyone stand up and dance. The whole setting is from another time.
The wedding ceremony itself takes place in the wee hours of the 4th. I can barely keep my eyes open, and the coffee is too mild to help. The priest expects utmost seriousness during the course of the ceremony, but laughter breaks out when he describes the responsibilities of the bride and groom to each other. The bride and the groom share a sheepish grin themselves. The ceremony goes on for a little over 4 hours, at the end of which there is the vidaai (where the bride goes off to the groom’s house). The first rays of sunlight have broken in through the haze already.
The final event, the ghar achun, passes off in a daze. Some more gifts are exchanged, some more tears are wept. Relatives are seen making plans are made for the next eligible bachelor/bachelorette to get hitched. Because when they all leave, one feels a strange emptiness – you were living with your extended family for days, and then suddenly you weren’t.